We are a Hap-py Family

A couple weeks ago we (the moores) had the BEST VACATION EVER and yes, I do tend to say that after every vacation.  But this one was truly exceptionally great in that there was:
1.  no bickering
2. minimal napping, but I think the adults napped more than the kids did.
3. plenty of geocaching
4. lots of waterfalls
5. no permanent injuries, although Sam did almost pull a George Weasley and lose an ear.
6.a good dinner and uplifting devotional every night, it was like a FHE marathon!
7. and plenty of family togetherness.  ah, family togetherness, what could be better?

We did take a family photo, and since it is apparently against the laws of physics that all of us smile and look at the camera at the same time, I had to copy and paste heads from other takes to make the perfect family picture:

Okay, no, this is actually how it turned out:

And since, like Julia, I realize that most of you don't know my extended family (gasp!) I am going to copy her short but accurate description of all of us here for you.  This is called blog-plagiarism, or bloggurism.

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I realize that many people who read this blog do not know my family. This, in a general sense, is completely unacceptable. To right this wrong, I will devote a post to providing family information, so that in the future, you will at least have enough knowledge about my family to know which ones are still young enough to poop their pants.

Dad: Good ole southern boy with a quick wit and a decent jump shot. Dentist.

Mom: Tender-hearted nurturer with nice teeth and a penchant for napping.

Richard (brother): Odd, but lovable electrical engineer. Borderline-obsessed with math and synthesizers.

Sarah (Richard's wife): Down-to-earth optimist who reads, probably too much. Likes to hug and give sincere compliments.

Hannah: Oldest grandchild. 7(!) years old. Maternal, bright, in control. Has luscious hair.

Sam: 5 years old. Sweet, dim-witted. Hears, on average, about 30% of what you say to him. Likes to cuddle, scratch his "wink", and have emotional meltdowns.

Josh: 1 year old. Adorable, smiley, heavy. Grunts about once every 30 seconds. Loves watches and being held by men more than women. This is incredibly frustrating.

Jason (Laura's husband): Jovial, patient. The adventurer. Going to school at Virginia Tech for Industrial Technology Cybernetics Planning Models or something like that.

Laura (sister): Loving, accepting. Resident joke-laugher-atter. Can sew an evening gown out of Kool-Aid packets and banana peels.

Avery: 2.5 years old. Dainty, flirtatious. Has the delicate voice of an angel, rendering all of her utterances heart-melting.

Carter: 0.8 years old. Content, observant. Has a gigantic head which makes dressing/undressing a traumatic experience for him every time. Resembles Charlie Brown.

Sloan (Julia's husband): Tall, manly, stoic. Eats too many hot dogs. Has alarmingly large hands.

Julia (me): Sexy, talented, and mind-bendingly intelligent. Has nicely shaped feet.

Michelle (sister): Outdoorsy, tolerant, loving. Has consistently loved the wilderness and hated make-up for her entire life.

Children's Publishers Take Note

(edit: Richard's post)

Sam has written a book. It is a true literary innovation. Even at 5 years of age, he has managed to see a component that nearly all children's and adult books have in common: they let the reader know what the story is about. While this technique cheaply satisfies the reader's desire to know "what's going on" or "why I'm wasting my time reading this book anyway", Sam's method opens a new world for literary exploration.

I've scanned the manuscript and will share it here. The first literary breath of fresh air comes on the title page:

Genius.

The master realized that titles only limit the scope of a book and taint the reader's mind with notions about the book's contents before they could hope to know anything about it.  His title is coy, but enticing.  It draws the reader in.  Now the story begins:

From the first page there is action.  But what is happening, exactly?  This young author doesn't spoon feed you anything.  Two figures are clearly involved in some struggle; one with nervous gritting teeth, while the other wears a cocky grin.  But what kind of struggle?  A wizardly duel?  A game of jump rope gone awry?  Ping pong with a lighting bolt?

Let us partake of more:

What's that?  A BLACKHOLE?!?!?  But our young hero is holding a balloon, showing that there was mirth but moments ago.  Any number of events could have led us from the opening duel to this hopeless scene of destruction.  The significance of man versus man struggles suddenly are dwarfed by the magnitude of the man versus nature battle now placed before us.  Where will this lead?

And there it is.  The final page.  So much has happened!  The two former foes have reconciled their differences to combine their strengths to support humanity.  Our hero remains, spaghettified though he is from his black hole battle.  Even in this moment of joy, Sam gives a nod to the darker side with his clever way to indicate the story's end:

"DEAD"

So true.  All human struggles end in death, but Sam has shown us the excitement of watching man battle his mortality directly as if in the Roman Coliseum.  This young author's novella leaves me exhausted, having pulled me ruthlessly through the emotions and questions that I always fear to explore on my own.  I will wait breathlessly for the next opus from this young literary luminary.

Alabama, we need to have a talk.

I went to Walmart today (first mistake, apparently) and saw this in the parking lot:

Happy Independence Day USA and....

wait...

is that...

the stars and bars?!

(bangs head on steering wheel)

wrong.  on so many levels, just wrong.